I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
