lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
