yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
