i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
