is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
