and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
