just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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