I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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