The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
