break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
