In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
