Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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  (202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy
  Replies (4) Good night (1250) Bad night (578)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No idea how I passed that sobriety test.

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  (248): No idea how I passed that sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/5pip
  Replies (19) Good night (1818) Bad night (526)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.

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  (404): He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic. http://tfl.nu/a5vi
  Replies (21) Good night (1012) Bad night (6714)
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  (916): View more from California

  Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

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  (916): Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon' http://tfl.nu/xx25
  Replies (19) Good night (3621) Bad night (800)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (9283) Bad night (1533)
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  (415): View more from California

  I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.

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  (415): I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home. http://tfl.nu/qs9s
  Replies (12) Good night (2963) Bad night (692)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so glad i pay social security

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  (610): Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year? (1-610): I'm so glad i pay social security http://tfl.nu/rnv1
  Replies (17) Good night (4355) Bad night (951)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

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  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4504) Bad night (1061)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1800) Bad night (5333)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?

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  (917): Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her? http://tfl.nu/rn89
  Replies (17) Good night (7245) Bad night (1012)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.

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  (785): When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die. http://tfl.nu/c7go
  Replies (4) Good night (1506) Bad night (503)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He's going to be my graduation present to myself.

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  (618): He's going to be my graduation present to myself. http://tfl.nu/441i
  Replies (3) Good night (1283) Bad night (430)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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  (336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39
  Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (552)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions

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  (248): This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions http://tfl.nu/bezn
  Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (393)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once

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  (617): she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once http://tfl.nu/vv4r
  Replies (5) Good night (986) Bad night (245)

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