sarcasm needs its own font
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!