and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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