Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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  (602): Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window http://tfl.nu/pu84
  Replies (23) Good night (614) Bad night (2296)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (803) Bad night (3434)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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  (703): You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am. http://tfl.nu/rcus
  Replies (11) Good night (3817) Bad night (516)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.

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  (406): i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine. http://tfl.nu/dm6s
  Replies (22) Good night (1095) Bad night (3108)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.

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  (360): just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe. http://tfl.nu/xu32
  Replies (6) Good night (2340) Bad night (942)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

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  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (5) Good night (1564) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.

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  (770): good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed. http://tfl.nu/g7ri
  Replies (4) Good night (2695) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.

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  (862): I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated. http://tfl.nu/6ujy
  Replies (21) Good night (3410) Bad night (686)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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  (870): If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you. (1-870): You always know what to say to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/or61
  Replies (2) Good night (1721) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night

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  (215): can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night http://tfl.nu/b1z7
  Replies (11) Good night (1210) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning

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  (434): Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning http://tfl.nu/g13p
  Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (310)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"

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  (229): He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets" http://tfl.nu/6jbp
  Replies (2) Good night (1129) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  am i new drunk or am i still drunk

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  (561): am i new drunk or am i still drunk http://tfl.nu/zvnj
  Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (265)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.

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  (253): I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise. http://tfl.nu/nmya
  Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.

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  (561): Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking. http://tfl.nu/ixjm
  Replies (4) Good night (224) Bad night (492)

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