Texts From Last Night

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  (+43): View more from

  my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe

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  (+43): my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe http://tfl.nu/lh72
  Replies (16) Good night (7924) Bad night (866)
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  My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

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  (555): My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique http://tfl.nu/mm4o
  Replies (17) Good night (4539) Bad night (1516)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven

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  (804): just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven http://tfl.nu/wd21
  Replies (3) Good night (2350) Bad night (789)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

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  (978): nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob http://tfl.nu/cycw
  Replies (28) Good night (2073) Bad night (5082)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

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  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (5408) Bad night (1093)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.

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  (703): I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding. http://tfl.nu/inbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1925) Bad night (701)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

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  (215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851
  Replies (3) Good night (1889) Bad night (617)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.

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  (917): Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator. http://tfl.nu/612t
  Replies (18) Good night (1518) Bad night (628)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.

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  (817): Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light. http://tfl.nu/nfnq
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (1022)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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  (336): I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/ctqb
  Replies (4) Good night (547) Bad night (1192)
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  (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (410)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp

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  (954): I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp http://tfl.nu/qcef
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (328)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.

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  (917): I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting. http://tfl.nu/4lzp
  Replies (7) Good night (1460) Bad night (387)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.

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  (210): My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels. http://tfl.nu/r3d1
  Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (359)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this

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  (905): He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this http://tfl.nu/kyr9
  Replies (3) Good night (722) Bad night (266)

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