theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Boobs speak an international language.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER