Kiss
Puke
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
