I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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