I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
