Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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