i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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