I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
