pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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