Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
