we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
