i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
