the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
