turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
