My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is my gift to your gina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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