dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
