great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
