ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
