I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
