I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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