oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
