We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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