I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
