There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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