hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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