This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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