How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
