Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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