can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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