You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
