I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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