I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
