we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
