should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
