so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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