i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
