I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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