Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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