I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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