I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
