I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
