I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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