My liver just broke up with me...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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