I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
