oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
