I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
