I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
