Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
