"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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