false alarm. still invincible.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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