you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
