Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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