im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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