never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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