No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
