im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
