Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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