Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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