I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
