the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
