mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
