remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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