I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
