THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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