New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
