My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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