I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My life is pants optional.
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