what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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