Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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